in every industry, there are different types of people that go about “business” in very different ways. on one side of the spectrum, you have people who are very transactional - efficient communication, surface-level interactions, you don’t feel like you get to know the person well, things happen fast. on the other side of the spectrum, things happen slower - the relationship is built intentionally over time, interactions are in-person, conversations meander into family, personal life, etc. of course most people fall somewhere broadly in the middle of this spectrum but lean towards one side. i’ll explore my thoughts on each of these types of relationship-builders here based on limited experience but informed opinions. adding a caveat that i’m not an expert and am still learning how to best deepen relationships myself.
let’s start off with definitions / characteristics for the transactional side of the spectrum. most people have a gut instinct that warns them if a person is too far on this side - the “sleazy salesperson” falls in this zone, for example. the best salespeople don’t come across as salespeople, but in this case, your gut immediately tells you that they’re trying to sell you something. they have their best interests at heart, not yours. even if those interests are mutually beneficial, something tells you that when push comes to shove, they’re more interested in their short-term goal than your short-term or long-term ambitions. they might not show much interest in getting to know you personally (asking questions and showing curiosity in general), and might not empathize very well (finding common ground, matching your pace of conversation / tone, etc).
people that want to curate and deepen relationships for the long-term might look different. for those that rely on their instincts, they might feel more immediately at ease as this type of person comes across as authentic and genuine. usually they show interest in getting to know you (”who are you” / “what are your ambitions” / “where can we find common ground”) beyond your job (”what can you do for me”). in fact the actual business to be conducted might happen at the end of the call. one of my founder friends told me about a dinner with a potential customer he had recently - they spent the whole time getting to know each other, laughing about how absurd the conference they were at was, etc. and then at the very end they spent ten minutes talking about how they’d partner up (a few basic questions, then ”we’re definitely going to work together, we’ll figure out the details when we get home”).
one way to think about this might be - on one end of the spectrum, trust is built up then business is conducted. on the other end, you skip the trust-building / people evaluation part and jump right to business. for the former, the mentality often seems to be “life is long, i can work with many people, let me choose to work with people who i feel values-aligned with” as opposed to “let me try to make a deal with everyone at all costs”
a few personal notes on what this could look like in vc:
- it’s easy as an investor to get caught up in a trap of “recurring check-ins” with other investors. for me, this falls onto the transactional side of the spectrum - if you have a strong relationship with someone, you’ll probably think of them right after you meet a company and shoot them a text, or catch up in-person when you think about them, rather than requiring an artificial time-bounded catch-up call with them. also, many of these check-in calls become about “sharing deals” which makes total sense given the nature of the job but also feels a bit transactional to me (because you could also be sharing people, ideas, debates, projects, etc and usually these deeper conversations come out of long in-person hangs or shared projects / experiences rather than quarterly deal-sharing catch-up calls)
- when you meet people at events, i think the goal should be to establish trust in-person while you have them there, and then do a follow-up call or meeting to build the relationship further. most people jump right to “what do you do” rather than getting to know you personally, which is fine but personally a bit jarring to me. when founders meet a vc at an event they often jump right into “pitch-mode” (giving a prepared / polished pitch rather than using a conversational tone), not realizing that the vc has probably gotten pitched dozens of times that night and won’t remember anything when they get back home. but the vc might remember the founder that told a really cool personal story, or that discussed an interesting industry or topic (and let them have a break from all the pitches). i think this applies to meeting anyone at events in general, not just founder-vc interactions - if you’re a vc and you meet 15 other vc’s that night, you’ll be most likely to deepen relationships with the one that you laughed with about a silly topic, rather than the ones that quickly collected your investing preferences and talked about “sharing deals.”
- a lot of great founders choose their investors, not the other way around - especially in situations where the round is hot, or many investors are circling, building a deeper / non-transactional relationship is obviously key to winning the deal. there are probably a few things founders care about when fundraising - 1. valuation, 2. vc firm’s brand, 3. relationship with / judgement of the individual investor. for the founders that care about #3, authentic relationship-building can help you stand out (meeting in-person, taking the time to understand the founder’s long-term vision and what they care about, etc)
there is right answer for wherever people lie on this spectrum of “efficient” vs “trust-building” when it comes to building relationships; it all comes down to personal preference and the situation you’re in. i do think that if you’re trying to work with authentic people, they’re attracted to other authentic people and can sense when things are surface-level / if they’re being manipulated. i also think the way you build relationships at work spills into other areas of your life - if you hyper-optimize everything at your job, you might do the same at home / with friends / etc
young people seem to gravitate towards the efficient / transactional approach because it’s easiest to do when starting out. i think a lot of early-career folks are great at meeting a lot of people but not so great at building deeper relationships. part of it is that long-term thinking in general can be hard / counter-intuitive / requires patience (as the fruits of your labor might not materialize for quite a while). i have struggled with this myself. i’ve seen more and more people that i really respect adopt the mentality of “life is long, i just want to work on things with amazing people” which requires long-term relationship-building. open to thoughts / suggestions here as always